Understanding Bereavement Through Spirituality! ……. Part 5 Of 5

Understanding Bereavement Through Spirituality! ……. Part 5 Of 5


This final part is the last and final part of your bereavement process. When you arrive at this stage you will be in the right position to of learnt much about yourself and what it is to go through the loss of some one you have loved dearly. This part is when you can finally accept that losing some one is the final price you pay for having them in your life in the first place. Every time you fall in love or form a bond with some one there is an unspoken truth that in essence you both know and that is that no matter how hard you try, no matter how much you love each other, sadly one of you will one day leave the other and ultimately by death. If you are lucky enough you may go together at the same time but if not it’s a sadness that we will face one day. The only two things we must do in-between is to be as happy as we can each and every day together and when the inevitable does happen we must accept and be grateful that we did at least meet each other.

This is the resurgence which means to rise again, to a new life and vigour, to bounce back into life again and live your life out to the best of your ability, honour your gift of life and keep your memories alive of your loved ones by being with them in your heart and soul. They are only physically departed from us on this Earth as we know it, they are as much alive in the next world as they were in this one but just in another form that we too will see and experience for our selves one day in the future. Amen.

This now concludes all 5 parts of my blog here in helping people to become stronger in the face

This was the final part 5 of 5 of  “Understanding Bereavement Through Spirituality!


All my love……………Brian.

Feel free to look at my web site at  https://www.bjacoaching.co.uk/

Copyright 2005 https://www.bjacoaching.co.uk/. All rights reserved.

of bereavement.


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Understanding Bereavement Through Spirituality! ……. Part 4 Of 5

. Understanding Bereavement Through Spirituality! ……. Part 4 Of 5

Depression is another word for unhappiness! Its unhappiness that is the root of depression and these roots are surrounded with soil, but the soil is not soil in this scenario it’s a combination of many things but mostly values and beliefs. These values and beliefs will have been formed from many areas of your life as you were growing up. Even if you have been lucky enough to have some excellent Values and Beliefs installed into you, some new ones can be implanted into you with out much warning or indeed with out your knowledge as such. Values and Beliefs are what guide us into our daily thoughts of which we have some 70,000 per day! If most of our thoughts are negative, unhappy or just down right dull then guess what? We will be drawing much more of the same towards us each day and this will continue until we can break out of it.

The good news is once we start to think positively, with happier thoughts of breaking through it, our minds will indeed manifest these happier times ahead.

The best and quickest way to come out of depression is to first admit you are depressed, or down or at very least that you are not as happy as you know you can be.

Secondly you need to either admit or find out what it was that triggered this in the first place. If it was solely the bereavement of a loved one then you just need to go through this pain as and when it presents its self. You can not shut it away or hide from it, if you try to do these things you will not be allowing the process to flow through you and sooner or later they will show up again with out warning through out your life. Its like any virus or illness in the body, it needs to be allowed to developed in full and then it will simply disappear or dissipate in its own time thus allowing it to dissolve slowly and depart in full. The only thing that will be left behind will be the strength to fight off similar experiences in the future which is a good thing, much like our antibodies do for us against disease.

This was part 4 of 5 to come in  “Understanding Bereavement Through Spirituality!

Part 5 Of 5 will be about facing ACCEPTANCE or TAKING CONTROL, I look forward to seeing you here again soon.

All my love……………Brian.

Feel free to look at my web site at https://www.bjacoaching.co.uk/

Copyright 2005 https://www.bjacoaching.co.uk/ . All rights reserved.

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Understanding Bereavement Through Spirituality! ……. Part 3 Of 5

Understanding Bereavement Through Spirituality! ……. Part 3 Of 5

Blame comes in two parts, the first is aimed at “others” are to blame.

Blaming is also a way of devaluing others, by trying to escape the inevitable

The end result is that the blamer wants to feel disconnected from the event.

Others are seen as less worthwhile making the blamer “perfect”.

Off-loading blame means putting the other person or persons down, this is done by emphasizing his or her flaws. But I can tell you that this initial relief will be short lived.

The truth always needs to come out in the end.

But the fact is that when a person can not take responsibility for their own actions then its just a matter of time itself before you lose all sight of reality.

The best and kindest thing any one can do for them selves, is to own up to situations as and when they present themselves, if you feel that you can share these responsibilities’ with out blaming any one else then I can promise you that by taking charge and taking on the responsibility yourself, you will become 10 times more powerful than you can imagine.

Shying away from what is in essence a gift or sign for you to change something, will devalue your own self respect and every one else’s if you try blaming others.

When blame is used through bereavement it’s a very normal process to go through but please don’t dwell on it as it can not serve you in getting over your sorrow.

The second part of blame is when its undeserved blame based on actions beyond your control but feel compelled to self blame. By becoming the victim you experience behavioural self-blame. This will make you feel that you should have done something differently, and therefore feel at fault. Life is Life and we can have little and no control over other peoples lives, even our own lives are at the mercy of what will be will be.

Having a Spiritual belief will ease your lack of understanding of many things in life that can not be explained through science. Just remember that we are not here to understand everything in life and especially the things that can not be seen, touched, heard, smelt or tasted. A belief or a knowing of the unknown will serve you more through your life than any thing else you could possibly dream of. We will all meet up again one day so just think of your lost loved one as a holiday that they went on before you and that they will send your ticket as and when you have also completed your own work here on earth as they have done before you.

This was part 3 of 5 to come in  “Understanding Bereavement Through Spirituality!

Part 4 Of 5 will be about facing DEPRESSION, I look forward to seeing you here again soon.

All my love……………Brian.

Feel free to look at my web site https://www.bjacoaching.co.uk/

Copyright 2005  https://www.bjacoaching.co.uk/ All rights reserved.

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Understanding Bereavement Through Spirituality! ……. Part 2 Of 5


Hello again readers, in this issue we are going to look at ANGER!

We will look at it in a few dimensions, analyse it and see how thought spirituality we can alter its affect upon us and many others that are connected to us directly or indirectly.

Either way you must understand that although we may feel that our anger belongs to us, that its ours to display or show at any time we so wish is a very negative and unfulfilling point of view to have. As e move on you will start to see and connect with what I am now sharing with you.

Firstly please understand that there are only two real emotions in this world we live in. These are love and hate or another word for hate is fear.

Fear based emotions are about love that’s gone in the wrong direction.

When we get divorced its because we believe we will be better off with out our partners. We are actually agreeing to run away from our problems with each other.

Not much thought is actually given to WHY the problems occurred in the first place.

Love and hate/fear are truly the opposite ends of the scale, direct opposites to the extent that they are merely mirrors of the same things but each one has actually gone in the opposite direction and gone so far that it becomes the w3eakest part of its own aspect. Push it that little bit further and there is a fine line between it actually returning to its true self. Yes it then becomes full circle. Now that that has been explained we can move on to understanding our own anger. When we become afraid of some thing, some one or some situation then we are programmed to either fight or you flight. Run away or lash out. When we run away the anger will build. When we fight anger produces adrenalin in our bodies so that this drug can help minimise any physical pain and whilst we are in such a flow most if not all physical pain is not felt.

But once the anger and adrenalin has ceased we are left with the after math and that is always painful. Not to mention the mental strain and hurt that will also be felt.

So far OI have only mentioned our own pain but what about the other people that are on the other end of it? How are they going to be affected. This is the bigger picture.

Getting angry is only a warning device that must be adhered to instantly. When we feel this anger think of it as an emergency button that needs to be activated.

What I mean by this is you need to have a plan of action as to what happens when your emergency button is pressed. I would like to suggest to you this:

The feeling of anger is a human trait and has many human consequences.

What I would like you to try is to use some Spiritual traits such as switching into love and compassion. if this sounds crazy to you at the moment then ok I can accept that so allow me to explain it in this way.

Some one really makes you angry, you react with anger they feel it, it makes them more angry, you feel this also and now your even more angry, where will it end?

So lets do the same scenario but this time you are going to be spiritual about it from your side and this is how it would pan out this time.


Some one really makes you angry, realise this so you press your emergency button that’s with-in you, it makes you react like a spiritual being which means there is no anger. Instead of anger you now know that this anger is the other persons, its not yours, it can not enter into you because you will not allow this, its there’s not yours and why would you want to claim it? It’s a bad energy that will make you ill and sick so by understanding it in this way you will not play this game of automatic acceptance. Because you are calm and collective you only want to help this other, so you offer understanding and compassion. This will act as a vaccine firstly to yourself and then to them. They can not fight against something that offers no resistance. They can not fight shadows, or love.

There anger will start to dissipate into thin air depending on the level of intensity.

Obviously if there is a mega amount of anger from them then you will have to match it with more of the same from your spiritual side. Never the less it will work like a miracle because anger needs fuel and hat fuel is always resistance. Love and compassion are like extinguishers to the heat and fire of anger itself.


I know all this may sound uncomfortable to you and you may have your doubts so all I can say is try it, give it a chance and I am sure you will be so surprised and glad that you did.


I hope this will help you in your divorce, during or after, most of our dramas in life can be eradicated once we look at things as spirit does, its so easy yet so hard, again like most things in life.

This is part 2 of 5 to come in  “Understanding Bereavement Through Spirituality!

Part 3 Of 5 will be about facing Blame, I look forward to seeing you here again soon.

All my love……………Brian.

Feel free to look at my web site at www.bjacoaching.co.uk

Copyright 2005 bjacoaching.co.uk. All rights reserved.





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Understanding Bereavement Through Spirituality! ……. Part 1 Of 5


Understanding Bereavement Through Spirituality! ……. Part 1 Of 5

There are five aspects or emotions to bereavement: The first is DENIAL, the second is ANGER, the third is BLAME, the fourth is DEPRESSION and the final part being the fifth is ACCEPTANCE or TAKING CONTROL….

Denial Denial is the first we label out emotions on as it is such a shock! How on earth could this have happened, surely there is a mistake, why me? Why has this happened to me? What have I done to deserve this? The thoughts go on and on.   If we can deny something in our lives then all of a sudden we can take a break from dealing with it, it is now not true, it makes it all better for that short-term. The Denial stage will keep going until there is an emotional shift and we are ready to accept the situation.   Having a spiritual belief in something, someone or with the universe will always help us all in many different ways. Spirituality is an individual thing that we feel is right for us, we just connect to nature, to mother earth, to an energy that feels good to us. We don’t even have to explain it or give any explanations as to how it works, no need for gatherings or rituals that are cast in stone.   No, it is just connecting with a force that we believe exists, we just know that there is a force out there that’s bigger and greater than ourselves. Breaking up with your Partner / Lover etc, is very much the same, if we are in the denial stage then you will not be able to process the coming events with ease. They will just become reasons to feel great unhappiness and will only slow down the healing process. Thus making the separation all the more painful and not allowing you to move forward with strength.   Accept the reality, don’t be in denial, come to terms with whats happening, its for a reason and there are lessons to be learnt. Dig deep inside and be brave enough to accept that it is real and it exists in your reality, how you deal with it will be down to your own spirit. So accept that its real and that it is here as a coping mechanism for the short-term as you get emotionally ready to move forward.   Remember that when you believe in any spiritual energy then even after death or any loss of love there is another life awaiting for us, you see, it is only the end of a particular chapter. There will be other chapters to experience, you simply just have to believe in and know that the next page does exist, you just need to find the strength to look at them.

This wass part 1 of 5 to come in  “UnderstandingBereavement Through Spirituality!

Part 2 Of 5 will be about facing Anger, I look forward to seeing you here again soon.

All my love……………Brian.

Feel free to look at my web site at www.bjacoaching.co.uk

Copyright 2005 bjacoaching.co.uk. All rights reserved.



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Why Computers Mimic Spirituality?

Our thoughts are so important to us on a daily basis. Especially as we have on average about 70,000 of them in any  24 hour period.
What we think about most of the time is exactly what manifests in to our reality.
When we change our thoughts we will indeed change the world we live in, and will also have a knock on effect to the people we interact with.

If you want confirmation of this then I will give you an example…
Why is it that a vicious person lives in a vicious world and a happy person lives in a happy world?
It’s the same world so why is it different?
It isn’t!

We are all connected spiritually whether we like to admit this or not. All of our interactions and thoughts both about our selves and others are carving a path for us to tread upon as we constantly move on into the future.

If we think certain thoughts that carve a path for us then its inevitable that others that also think like us will end up on the very same paths as we tread. That’s why like attracts like, birds of a feather and all that.

So the world is not at all different but what is different is the way we perceive it in our daily lives, how we think about ourselves and others.
It’s our attitude, values and beliefs (V.B.) in total that work as our very own operating platform. (Like Windows XP or Windows 7)

This is where I can explain about how I see computers as having a spiritual side to them. The essence of a computer is based on a human mind, computers will never be as clever, but they do operate in many similar ways.
We start off in life gathering info and storing it all up, then using it daily in our lives.
Our values, beliefs and attitude become our operating platform like the Windows platforms I spoke about above.

So just as computers can hold what ever information or software we load into them, (like the human mind) its important to make sure that we are all in tune with what’s in there, how it works and how it can empower us or drive us crazy with frustration.

If we constantly use our computers in a non productive or negative way then we will miss out on the very essence of what they are there for, which is to help us and make our lives easier.

If your computer is driving you mad and you hate using it then you are clearly not giving something the attention that it deserves.

So spiritually, if our lives become a mess or we are going through some hard time then it’s so easy to become less logical or less calculated. In the same token a computer will never run correctly without the constant up dates and maintenance required almost weekly.

Before computers we were just individuals who interacted only when we were in the presence of others now we have become cyber people and virtual people and its this very reason why I feel that computers have a spiritual connection with us. If a thought comes in to our minds and we choose to put these thoughts into an e-mail and send it into cyberspace, then in my opinion it’s the same as praying your thoughts into the same cyberspace.

The only difference is you know where your e-mail is going!

They are part of our daily lives that interact bringing people together which is the very definition of what spirituality is all about.

Spirituality brings people together and religion separates us into groups. allow me now to finish off my comparisons here.

I started out on Windows 95 as a platform, it was ok and I learnt many things, but as time went on I needed to upgrade and move on. I could not operate many modern day programs or use software  to its full potential in these days if I had stayed with the 95 software program.
If I had of tried to do so my life would have been slowed down, and it would be like wading through mud.

If we do not upgrade our values beliefs and attitudes constantly we will also be restricted in living our lives to the full.
Surely we want to at least have the choice to sprint rather than trudge along.

A good coach will be able to find out what is serving you best in the areas of values, beliefs (V.B.) and attitude.
Once established you and your coach will be able to weed out the ones that are not serving you and replace them with alternatives.
This is what I was referring to in the computer scenario as upgrading your platforms.

That’s why I prefer to tell people I am a “Human Technician” rather than a “Life Coach”
I say to people I can tweet you, fix you, and more importantly help you to discover the greater platforms that are already within you.
I, or your coach will just help you to discover them; when coaching I, or a coach does  rely on you wanting to become stronger, willing and having the desire to succeed.

The good news is I as a human technician can also help them to regenerate the passion and drive needed, but the individual (you) have  to give permission to yourself to do so.
It’s as easy as that yet hard for many to accept this simple concept.

Partly because we all like to think we can sort ALL our own problems out, well we can if all the rest of the hardware, drives, conflicts, ram, memory, etc is all as it should be. This can only work providing we don’t have any viruses lurking around in the back ground like… (negative thoughts usually)

Life is not that complicated as others would like you to believe, we are all basically the same with all the same functions, needs and desires.
We need energy, the right software, a sound platform to operate from, maintenance, and most of all good values and beliefs, ones that will empower us and move us forward, THATS IT!
Yes we are much like computers after all computers were invented to mimic us not the other way around.
What do you do if you can’t fix a problem with your PC? Maybe call a technician?
I rest my case! If you are suffering in some area that you are not comfortable with, then call in the experts to help you.
So once again this is why we all live in the same world but some see it as beautiful and others view it as hostile.
Your eyes are the windows to your soul; allow the soul to see and your eyes will see angels not demons.

Feel free to look at my web site athttps://www.bjacoaching.co.uk/products.html   look through the link and, Enjoy!

Copyright 2005  https://www.bjacoaching.co.uk/index.html All rights reserved.

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Divorce! Part 7 Of 7

Common Sense With A Spiritual Aspect On Divorce! Part 7 Of 7

Welcome back to all my followers that have taken time out to hopefully learn a few things that can help you in some way in the near future. We are going to finish off on how we interact with others when looking for a partner whilst on-line.

Dating sites can also give you some emotional issues depending on where you are in your own state of mind. Please don’t enter into it thinking that it’s all plain sailing.

It can be a lot easier if you are more in-tune with what’s going to happen, what to expect and how to deal with rejection as it will come in many forms, so be ready.

It’s like every thing else in life in-that you have to approach it with the right attitude. Internet dating is some thing you will probably want to do alone, in private and on your own, there for you will not have the moral support you would normally have if you were out with your mates or in the company of others. I

f some one upsets you when you’re out then you have instant support. But if you were to experience a rude mail message, get insulted, be ignored or just not taken seriously then it’s actually more hurtful and emotional when you’re on-line because of the isolation of sitting behind your computer screen all alone.

Having said all that it can also be a great place to be and many do meet their ideal partners on-line but it’s as if you have to learn new rules of conduct and the code of acceptance in others because not every one is polite or considerate of other people’s feelings as I have mentioned previously.

Just like in life (not all) but a lot of people are mostly selfish in their own pursuit of what it is they want and desire because they don’t consider others as if they were dealing with them selves, the spiritual aspect of common decency, respect and love of fellow humans gets forgotten.

Unless you have a common sense approach with a spiritual aspect then these people who I have just spoken about will keep you afraid, you may feel as if they are trying to push you down in order to elevate themselves.

Do not let this happen at all, on or off-line, remember who you are as an individual.

Never think bad of yourself and most definitely never consider that you will always be alone. It’s not true, you will meet your ideal partner one way or another, and you just have to be able to recognise them when they arrive. Do you truly know what your ideal person will be like? How should they look? How will they react in public?

How will they behave in private? What values should they have? Will they fit in around yours? Will you fit in around theirs? You have to know all these questions so that when your partner does show up that you will recognise them.

The clearer the picture you have in your heart and thoughts the quicker they will show up in your life. Make sure you understand exactly what it is you’re looking for.

Other wise you will just drift to and from with out knowing who is actually passing you by. What did you learn about yourself from your last relationship? Have you changed any negatives into positives’? Can you be more giving?

Are you willing to put more in to the relationship than you will want to take out? These are all so very relevant and important questions that I strongly suggest you give some thought.

Finally always put up a picture of yourself and make it very recent, do not try to fool others or yourself that you are ten years younger by putting up false pictures. The same goes for your profile don’t put stuff in there that you don’t really mean. It’s pointless to write what you don’t mean.

Don’t imagine what it is you think they will want to read or hear. Be yourself and you will attract a person that likes you for who you actually are. If you fall into the trap of being some one you’re not then you will both be disappointed and it will never go anywhere. So just be honest and just be you!

All that I write about on the dating side of things are a great way to enjoy your surfing on-line when looking for a partner. Again it will boil down to your V/Bs (Values & Beliefs) The rest of your life can be as good or as bad as your own V/Bs. Change your thoughts and you change your life! I do hope you have enjoyed these last 7 posts as much as I have.

If I have helped you in any sort of way then it would be a great inspiration for me to hear this from you. I am always available for help and you can always find me at my website. Have fun be happy and always help others when you can.

All my love……………Brian.

Feel free to look at my web site at https://www.bjacoaching.co.uk/index.html



Copyright 2005 bjacoaching.co.uk. All rights reserved.

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Divorce! Part 6 Of 7

Common Sense With A Spiritual Aspect On Divorce! Part 6

As time moves on in this 21st century what was once a taboo idea of dating on-line with the internet has now become acceptable it’s quick, easy and accessible to all providing you have internet connection and the time to go surfing.

Well so it would seem! Any one can join any site fill out a profile and go fishing but be warned it’s not as easy as you might think for many reasons and here are just a few you might want to consider.

People are people, which means every one has a very different idea or agenda of what the site is meant to do or deliver.

Some are serious; some just think it’s a form of entertainment. Some will put a great deal of thought into their profile trying to attract what it is they truly want.

Others may not give it much thought and just type the first thing that comes into their minds with not much thought for who might be reading it.

The real danger here is when you get a serious browser who meets and greets a person that’s just on the site for fun, I will explain.

Conversing on-line should not be any different to face to face with regard to respect for other people’s feelings. We should all be honest, truthful and aware of other people’s feelings and emotions.

It’s not acceptable to be rude, crude, hostile or disrespectful in any form what so ever. It’s a lot harder to do this or tolerate it in a face to face situation, but on-line because we are all hidden behind our screens of cyber space some people think its ok to behave with out manners or consideration for others.

This can lead to a lot of heart ache and unnecessary emotional turmoil. Maybe you are a strong character and can just shrug off negative feelings, comments or rudeness but please remember that not all people can cope with this. Its my suggestion here that if you are on-line or involved in any dating sites that you always respond to any one that has taken the time to write to you or correspond. Even if you’re not interested in them or their profile just put together a few lines to say something like…

“Thank you for your interest in my profile however you are not for me, thanks again, and good luck in you’re searching” how nice is that. The most important message here is simply treat others as you want to be treated not just on-line but in your every day life. It will pay you dividends in a very spiritual way.

In my next and final  instalment of part 7 of 7 I will continue to write about dating on-line, the should do and the and the should not’s which will have my continued theme of  common sense and some more spiritual aspects as always.

I look forward to seeing you soon.

Feel free to look at my web site at https://www.bjacoaching.co.uk/index.html

Special Offer! https://www.bjacoaching.co.uk/products.html

Copyright 2005 bjacoaching.co.uk. All rights reserved.

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Divorce! Part 5 Of 7

Common Sense With A Spiritual Aspect On Divorce! Part 5

Hello every one and welcome to part 5 of my 7 part blog that looks at divorce with lots of common sense but with a spiritual aspect to it all. Ok so now we are single and we shall treat this part as if we are now looking to hook up again, find a partner, lover or any other label you wish to put on it. Before we move on I would like you to know that the label you choose in deciding what it is you want to find will have a huge impact on what you will actually experience in your life.

For instance if you are looking for a” lover” then your experience will be quite different to the experience you will have if you were looking for a “hook up” The reason is when we choose to look for something in our lives that we think will help us in some way our body chemistry and our spiritual energy begin to form a partnership to make it manifest into the physical world.

For this reason it’s important to know where your thoughts are at any given time. Remember what we think about most of the time is what tends to manifest into reality and the physical world as we know it. So to focus on anything in life will project the energy of its title according to what that title means to you in your heart-felt emotion.

There is no point in trying to kid yourself or others by saying “I just want to hook up with some one” if in fact you truly want to have a loving relationship that could lead to a marriage or loving partnership. You have to look for what it is that is congruent with both your heart and your thinking or mind-set.

Hence why choosing the correct title from the start is so important. Be honest with yourself and look for what it is that you truly want. This is a good start because there is a whole load of other obstacles to get over as you will see by reading on.

Depending on when you become single in your life will determine as to how you react to being single and alone. When you are between 20 and 30 it’s not quite so bad because life is still fast paced we are generally still full of hope, dreams desires and the hunger for experiences is still quite buoyant.

Being social is mostly normal and we are in contact with lots of different circles almost weekly. Between 30 and 40 the pace has slowed down quite considerably because it’s like most things in life, we tend to get accustomed to routine quite quickly and things that seemed fun 10 years ago can now feel awkward and even make us cringe and smile at some of the things we use to do.

At 40 to 50 it can actually be quite frightening because its easy to believe that we can never find any one else now because we are to old, or not as attractive as we were or even that the best years of your life have now gone and you have forgotten how to even approach the opposite sex with dating in mind. So no matter what excuse you give yourself or what ever reason you think you have that will stop you from finding another partner is only true if you believe it.

That’s why any one at any age has to learn that our V/Bs (values and beliefs) determine what it is we pull towards us or push away in our lives. I have spoken about these V/Bs in some of my other blogs simply because they are so important to all of us. Life coaches in particular are very good at bringing these out of us during the coaching sessions.

In part 6 of 7, I will write about on-line dating or internet dating.

Feel free to look at my web site at https://www.bjacoaching.co.uk/index.html

Copyright 2005 bjacoaching.co.uk. All rights reserved.

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Divorce! Part 4 Of 7

Common Sense with a Spiritual Aspect On Divorce! Part 4

So now you are divorced on paper its official and every one says “you should have a party and celebrate”….. Why? Is it really some thing to celebrate?

Let’s look and see. So many people are like sheep, they feel if they don’t do the normal thing or the popular thing then they will lose face.

So they carry on doing what every one expects of them to, even if their heart is not in it. Maybe they fell into the same trap initially as well with the engagement ring stuff followed by the “well we are engaged now so lets plan the wedding” etc.

I do not ridicule any one here and especially the sheep I speak about because they are just going with the so-called flow. I am however asking all the readers here to examine their own habits, values and beliefs and see if they need adjusting.

But to want to actually celebrate a break up of any description is missing some of life’s most valuable lessons. Such as compassion, empathy, sympathy, respect, also self-respect, dignity, and common decency. Even if you are happy about the break up do you really need to party over it? What if you’re ex partners is heart-broken and emotionally disturbed about it. Is it right to send out such hurtful feelings?

I hear some of you saying but as long as the ex partner doesn’t know about the party surely it’s then ok. Well no actually, spiritually you are sending out vibrations of an uncaring nature which can never help any one or anything as we are all part of the same hologram of life. When we hurt others we hurt ourselves some times in the short-term and always in the long-term.

It’s so hard to stand alone sometimes, or stand up for yourself especially if it makes you the odd one out. But life is like that sometimes and if it doesn’t feel right in the heart, stomach or spirit then chances are it’s not! So always do what you feel is ok for you, and blow the general opinion of others.

Let’s say it’s been a few months now since the divorce you have done all the things that you thought you were missing out on and guess what? They were ok but not that much fun after all. Again you might be doing the normal things that single people are meant to do, going with the flow etc yet it still feels awkward some how. Well rest assured it’s not just you it’s a very high percentage of people going through exactly the same thing as you are.

The funny thing is they are all the same people who you mingle with in the clubs, bars or where ever else you hang out.

These people are probably feeling exactly the same emotions as you but they are never going to let on to you because that’s not cool. Instead they do exactly the same as you do which is paint on the smile and pretend you’re having the time of your life…NOT!

The best way some times is to just sit your self down and be honest. Ask yourself what it is you truly want.

As a life coach it’s my experience that when I ask someone the question “what is it you truly want” they immediately start to list a long list of things that they DONT want….. Why?

Because it’s far easier for them to answer this way because every one knows what they DON’T want.

But it’s very hard to answer what it is you DO want. Only a professional can help you truly do this because they are on the outside looking in and they will not be one-sided, unlike your own subconscious will be. Once you find out this valuable question then you can start to move on.

Such things could be in your personal love life, work, ambition, Family, friends, general relationships, finances, coping with stress and the list goes on.

Is it at all possible that some of these issues helped break up your marriage in the first place? If so please understand that it’s not too late to change things in yourself and in your life. Help can be on its way. You will need to confront, battle and win over your issues so that when the next person comes along you will be in a far better position to over come them the next time around. If you can’t deal with this alone seek a life coach to guide you though it all.

It can be quite a lonely time after divorce even in a crowded place. It’s always going to be paraded in front of you. I talk about the fact that you are single now and unattached, and will be constantly reminded by what and who you look at. Even going down to the local super market to get a litre of milk means you will see a very large percentage of couples doing their thing and it will remind you of your past and now present time.

Endless scenarios’ will go through your mind about them, what do they say to each other, how do they behave, are they happy, why are they still together, is it because they have just met or is it because they are better suited than you were, etc. again don’t beat yourself up its quite normal and very emotional. The mind is always making judgments, theories and suggestions after all that’s its job, not forgetting the EGO that also always has to have its say on the matter.

The spirit is the strongest part of us yet it just observes. It could stamp its authority all over the body and mind but it never does because its job is to observe and feel the emotion both the good and the bad. When we listen to our feelings and emotions that’s when we become in tune with who we really are. When such feelings are not congruent with our reality then this is what causes us the chaos. It’s for this reason I write about such issues, it’s to encourage you to use common sense with a spiritual aspect as the title suggests once again.

Most of our problems in life come from not following our bliss and not being who we truly are as individuals. So getting back to being divorced and single is where we were and where we are at the moment.

What was it that you expected after your divorce? Are you now looking for some one else?

If so then my next installment will be for you.

In Part 5 we shall look at the dating scene which is not as straight forward as you may think. We shall look at the differences between each decade of the age groups and then discuss what the obstacles can be. I look forward to seeing you here again soon.


Feel free to look at my web site at https://www.bjacoaching.co.uk/index.html  and look for the link in PINK called Products, Enjoy.



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