Long Distance Relationships!

Ok so you have a relationship but now its going to be as a long distance one ? Hmmm!

Well first of all lets forget the distance part for the moment and lets look at what a good relationships consist of.

Firstly it has to be built upon trust, because with out this its doomed from the start.

Assuming that this is in place then there are many other factors so to keep it brief I will mention a few of the most fundamental ones.

After Trust there has to be Honesty followed by Loyalty, Faithfulness, Humour, Romance ,Empathy, Sympathy, Caring, Listening skills, Understanding, Friendship, Compatibility, Supporting each others Goals, Dreams and Desires. Jealousy is like a perfume or an after shave in respect of it being ok if there is only a hint of it!

If it’s over powering and too much it becomes over bearing and puts people off. Compassion, Thoughtfulness, Truthfulness, Patience, Honour, Respect, Cherishing each other, lots of Hugs, Proper Kissing not just pecks, sexual pleasure with much foreplay and giving more than you receive from all the above.

Which in turn will take you to the greatest of all these combined which is of course UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!

These are the ingredients that make up a wonderful recipe for a true and a lasting relationship. So now that we know what a great relationship consists of lets now pull this couple/these two people  apart and separate them with a long distance between them… so what happens now???

Well this is all going to be very interesting to learn but it’s also absolutely heartbreaking and with out this knowledge or understanding it will inevitably break down and disappear unless you work on it and work hard, here’s why.

To be apart from our loved ones is heart rendering stuff. If it’s for a short time then its just a matter of adjusting and breaking down the time apart and managing each day until the return, now that’s fine if this is just for a short time of a few weeks or so.

But as soon as it becomes a few months then it may as well be a few years because it will start to feel as if it’s forever. The main point has to be good and regular communication.

Communication is vital it’s the blood the oxygen and the food of surviving any long distance relationship. With out it you are surely doomed, and as sad as this may sound its true!

Regular communication it the key to survival here, there are many types of communication which I will list in a moment but my advice would be to use all of them!

You will have your favourite ones of course but by using them all through the course it will communicate all different aspects of  your feelings in many different ways which again is important. There are lots of them so don’t get hooked on just one as it could become a little stale which is some thing that you can not afford to let happen.

Always remember that writing is powerful and builds up the imagination and feelings at the same time, where as a phone call can give mixed messages if we are able to pick up on tonality and expressions for instance.

Here is an example: You phone your loved one the phone is ringing, you have all sorts of things to say and you are missing them so much, you want to tell them how much you  love and miss them but once they answer its at a bad time in as much as they are stressed or rushed or it’s just one of those times when they can not relax.You pick up on this and it spoils the moment.

Both of you are going to feel hurt and upset through no ones fault. Had the same thing been done through an e-mail then it could have been enjoyed and welcomed as and when, so this is just a brief point that needs to be taken on board and that’s what I meant when I said use as many different type’s of communication as you can. If its going to be a phone call then maybe text first to check all is ok and well first.

It’s like most things in life you will have to work hard to find the right balance but once you do it will be so much easier. Again its like most things that are new to us, we have to accept that in the beginning you will not be experts at this game of distance. Both parties will make mistakes and there will be times when it goes wrong. The trick is to talk about why and how it went wrong and fix it as soon as you can. Don’t allow it to fester it will turn bad very very quickly and give you both a harder time. Nip each and every issue big or small in the bud straight away and you will become much calmer much quicker.

The best ways to communicate are as follows: E-mail, text or sms, telephone landlines or mobile, Skype can do sms, chat, or even both at the same time and of course real-time video calls, Use the old-fashioned way of pen to paper and send letters, cards, or post cards by snail mail. There’s nothing nicer than reading some lovely words in a thoughtfully chosen card that’s come from your lover.

Its heart warming, sensual, and sentimental, your lover will never throw away a card such as this! Gifts by post, flowers, chocolates, or anything for that matter as it’s always the thought that counts and never the contents.

Keep in mind what it is you love about this person, visualise them, talk to them, pray to them and act as if they are near you even though they are not. Keep them as close to you as you can. The distance is not a reason to forget them in any way. Constantly keep them with you by means of pictures in your purse or wallet.

If you have a mobile phone the get them on as your screen saver, the same at home on your computer. By your bed side, around your place of work. In other words bring them to life each and every day visually and then keep them in mind at every given moment as if you were going to see then later on.

Out of sight does not mean out of mind, it’s quite the opposite and all though this might seem like hard work it’s actually a pleasure to do if you truly love and miss them.

There should be no such thing as hard work when it comes to loving your partner. Nothing should ever be too much trouble. Yes it can be inconvenient or bad timing but that should never be the reason as to why you did not manage to achieve what ever it was that you were going to do.

Make no mistake there is nothing in this world greater than love.Love does has its price to pay but any one that truly knows the power of love will also understand that this powerful emotion is what we are living for. With out it we are numb and we will  hardly exist at all. So remember even if you are lucky enough to have the full range of ingredients that I have mentioned above, a long distance relationship can not survive  without the other stuff I have mentioned, but as a reminder, remember it is always going to be about COMMUNICATION!

Use it as often as you can. The last tip I can give you also is to make regular visits to each other when ever you can. Yes its going to cost but how can you ever put a price upon your love? It’s the lack of physical contact and that all important energy that we need to feed off every now and again. Keep the passion going, keep it alive and kicking! Without being too personal just also remember that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. What I mean here is both male and female have to take on these two very important points here.

Firstly a man shows and expresses his love in many ways which you should know and feel, but mainly through sex, it’s not just the physical aspect or the act itself, as most women may assume. Yes men have a higher sex drive normally than women but that’s not to say that when he wants and desires you all the time that’s its just purely for sex. This is most definitely not the case and can cause so many arguments and misunderstandings between couples. For the man its his way of communicating in his highest realm.

When a man is allowed to make love or just have sex with his partner it’s just the highest and most meaningful way that the man can feel he is loved and accepted. It’s such a powerful gift for the Woman to give Her Man.

Men know that women most of the time would prefer a cuddle to full on sex and its for this reason alone that the man then feels so loved by his woman who does accept all his advances all of the time. To him you are giving him the highest prize of all, especially when he knows you’re not in the mood.

My second point is now aimed at theMan.If you know that your woman is not in the mood and you know she will still give in to you if you insist, then please also use this as your gift to her. Show her that you respect her wishes and although its hard for you with your desire that you are willing to just hug her, hold her and maybe just caress her. Show her that you understand and look at ways to relax her even if that means allowing her to sleep.

Although this may seem strange, what it does is build respect towards each other and physiologically you are both now winners. Unlike one of you blatantly refusing. When this happens the other will feel rejection and be very hurt both emotionally and also mentally. It’s a no win situation and it’s totally avoidable with just a little common sense and also respect and courtesy. It’s by both of you wanting to give more to the other than what you are taking out for yourselves. Learn this and you will both be truly blessed.

Sex is not the be all end all but it is very important to sustain  ones needs and desires.Its actually a very spiritual experience whether you realise this or not. It’s a dimension that is dream like especially when you are in the zone of near climax. Please note that it’s not the climax itself it’s the feelings of relaxation just before the climax that we all desire but we get caught up in the finale that we THINK is the best part…its not! It’s the zone I talk about that’s dream like and should be savoured for as long as possible.

So on this point ladies please do not reprimand your man for wanting to take you straight to bed if you have been apart for a long time. It must be seen as an endearment and not to be taken as “is that all your interested in” Hopefully the feeling will be reciprocal but just remember that men are men because they are male and women are women because they are female. Respect each others differences and be grateful for both the feminine and the masculine because they both need each other to become one and all. I hope this short letter serves its purpose in helping many people and many couples that find themselves having to live apart for what ever reason.

It’s very hard and it’s very painful. Its like having to go through  bereavement or the loss of an arm or a leg, its very personal and disruptive so great care is needed on both parts if you are to survive this loss and this pain.

One last final thing if you are wondering how I became such and expert on this subject then lets just say that I am a very fast learner about affairs of the heart and once I suss out something I want to share it with the world, especially if it can help others, why else would I be writing this now?

Good luck and be good….both of you! xxx

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