Divorce! Part 3 Of 7

Ok so the answer to your marriage is a divorce! A divorce from what?

As strange as this question may sound I need you to analyze what it is you are actually divorcing. You see when you mention divorce the first thing that naturally springs to mind is “I am divorcing the other person” but are you? Before you answer this question or even if you have already done so in your mind consider this.

Are you divorcing the person, the commitment, the fidelity, the lack of freedom, the sharing of yourself or your possessions, your time-sharing, your opinions, your together time, your sex life, your body, your heart, your soul, your mind, habits, your secrets, family, their family, your friends their friends, the chores, the mundane routines that are essential, even your bed (sounds strange) but many think that just because your married you have to sleep in the same bed… its not true, many couple have improved their sleeping patterns just by having separate beds. They can be in the same room or not. Make love then stay together or hop out into their own bed, have good nights sleep and it works for many couples this way.

So on that point will Divorce actually solve all of these issues or any that I have not mentioned in the long-term? I am asking these questions because I need you to be honest with your self and realise that a divorce will not cure your issues. What you need to do is work through your issues with each other or again involve a professional that can help you with them. It’s not till you live together as a married couple that you get to really experience each others emotions, mood swings and issues and unless you can over come them in this marriage then they will re present themselves again and again through out your life whether you like it or not, but why?

It’s a spiritual fact that we are here on this earth for just a very short time. During this time we here for one reason and one reason only and that is to remember who we truly are. The only way we can find out who we are is through relationships. Relationships truly bring out the best and the worst in us all. They can make us or break us but it’s not really the individuals or the individual relationships as such it’s how we react to them and how we deal with our own emotions, logic and heart-felt feelings.

In other words we need relationships as the most powerful form of “pushing our buttons” because it’s only when people “push our buttons” that the true character comes out without shame or disguise. That’s not to say you won’t feel shame afterwards or even want to disguise yourself and hide away depending on how you handled it at the time. None of us are perfect, we all need to learn valuable lessons continuously and build upon what we know already.

So if you can subscribe to why we are here and why we need testing relationships to make us stronger than maybe it will help you to realise that neither of you are actually right nor wrong, you are just indifferent and in need of greater understanding of what relationships are actually about. They are about you learning more about your selves than each other. But as we approach these obvious problems in a marriage it’s just become a natural instinct to blame the other and not take any responsibility for our own short comings.

When we take responsibility, when we own our own issues, when we become more considerate of others that’s when the magic can start. When we look at a relationship and ask… what can I do to enhance this relationship instead of asking what can I take out of this relationship. When you get to this level of understanding then many other things in your life will start to take on a much lighter shade of darkness. To quote a Michael Jackson song “The Man In The Mirror” he sings his lyrics asking us to look at our selves first and if we can admit to what we are doing wrong and change our selves first, then we can expect others to do the same but NOT before we do it from with-in.

My topics here are to encourage my readers to think outside the box, look at things differently and to be honest with your selves so that you can become who you truly are in the spiritual sense. I am talking about who you are from the in side, not the person you show the world every day to survive your reality because these are two entirely different entities altogether. Once you realise this maybe it will become easier for you to take on board all that I write about which is as stated … “Common Sense with a Spiritual Aspect” that’s it for now

Part 4 Of 7 will be about what happens after the Divorce, I look forward to seeing you here again soon.

Feel free to look at my web site at https://www.bjacoaching.co.uk/index.html

Copyright 2005 bjacoaching.co.uk. All rights reserved.

About bjacoaching

Hi, my name is Brian, I am a Life Coach / Personal Coach but I am also a very straight forward talking person that shares more in common with you than you will initially believe. Why and how can I say this? Because we are all basically the very same. We are all in search of the best life possible and we all need the very same basics such as happiness, love, health, and enough money to get bye with. When any of these things I mention above are scarce or in short supply then it will affect us in a dramatic way. So not only as a Coach but as an individual with foresight I will on occasions display a different take on things based upon reality as we see it and more importantly how we can choose to perceive it. As an individual I think out side the box and would encourage you to do the same as and when it might be necessary. The very fact that you are here means that you were meant to arrive here at precisely this moment in time as I believe in synchronicity and I do not believe in coincidences only things that actually “co-in side” which in mathematical terms means to fit together perfectly. But if you have already been here before then I must be doing something right. I am a very down to earth person that has learnt many many things from hardships and also from joy in my life as I am sure you have too. Get involved with me and I shall show you many things that will at very least get you to question or challenge many things that until now you either took for granted or never even thought possible. Whether you are religious or not does matter because for me it’s not important as long as you are happy with your own values and beliefs then that’s all that matters. If however you are not sure about your happiness or any other issues in your life then just keep an open mind and see how things can change. I am inviting you to go on a journey and for such a journey you will need some basic tools. A compass, a map and some survival essentials. These items are metaphoric of course, and represent the following: Your compass has to be your intuition and self belief, your map will be your actual goal or desire and you must understand where you are at this particular point in your life right now, other wise how will you know which direction to follow if you do not even have a starting point on your “life map” your survival essentials are going to be tools you require to help you survive and prosper through your journey, and these will be “coaching tools” that I can supply when required. I suppose it’s all going to be a matter of how much you desire your needs How important is it for you to get to where it is you wanted to go in your life? What will happen to you if you do not get what it is you are after? Can you truly allow your life to slip by with out reaching your target? All I know is that many people give up on there life’s desires and dreams just because they have tried a few times and then decided that its either too much like hard work and chosen to believe it just not going to happen.....WRONG! The truth is yes they have tried but they have not had the right guidance, tools or coaching to help them…that’s it! That’s the only reason! If you try to get there alone it will be a long and troubled journey. But if you have some one that’s been there before then they can give a wealth of information that will fast track you there before you loose interest or the will to achieve. A coach will make you accountable and support you every time you feel yourself going off track. My blog will be a free helpful tool that at very least will give you a few different ideas about many different things….So Enjoy! http://www.bjacoaching.co.uk/3.html
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